Tynan, a blogger I have followed for years:
The biggest thing I learned is that people will like you for who you are. This sounds obvious and simple, but for years I just figured that there were one or two “very likeable” archetypes, and I wasn’t one of them. Media and pop culture set this trap and it’s an easy one for anyone to fall into.
What I found was very nearly the opposite. Someone acting cool is not scarce or interesting. Someone being genuine and authentic and presenting themselves through the clearest lens possible is extremely rare. These people are so rare that when you meet them you immediately like and respect them, even if you don’t have much in common with them or even want to be friends with them
This is a lot easier if you know who you are, know what you believe in, know what you stand for, and know what your values are. Imagine that you know all of those things and you know that you are doing a reasonably good job living by them and are striving to get better. If someone thinks negatively of you, you can know for sure that they just don’t know you well enough to know the truth. You have the proof that you are living up to the standards you have set for yourself.
– How to Be Secure
Some of this occurs naturally with most of us as our life ahead of us recedes, piling up year after year behind us: as the possibilities of what we can do with our lives shrink, we unconsciously end up making peace with the person we have become.
We can also be proactive – we can be deliberate about how, with who and in what we spend our time. Not only does it slow down the passage of time, it brings each of us face to face with the person we’ve become, and presents us opportunity after opportunity to adjust course. This turns passive acceptance into active shaping.
As you become aware of yourself as a person – your likes, dislikes, successes, failures, warts and virtues – you feel more secure. This is the essence of Tynan’s post. I also think being deliberate about how you spend your time helps you discover and shape yourself, accelerating your journey to self-assuredness.